Unexpected sadness

I hoped in my taxi last night, glad to not have to carry two backpacks any longer. I had wandered Santiago for 8 hours fully loaded after reclaiming my extra pack. After a goodbye to a friend, dinner, and some shooping, it was time to leave.

As the taxi pulled away, an unexpected wave of sadness washed over me. I stared out the window, soaking in every last glimpse of the city. The city that I walked across a country to see. The city that holds the remains of St. James. The city that days ago had provided a reunion with nearly every pilgrim I had met along the way. The city that now would just be a memory.

I sat in the Santiago airport using every minute of the 30 minutes of free WiFi connecting with my Camino friends - commending those taking it slowly to soak up every nuance, asking those who left before if they had this same sadness, and warning those who would come after me of this feeling. There were no familiar pilgrim faces in the airport. No pilgrims calling out my name. No pilgrims but me.

When I landed in Madrid and waited for a shuttle bus (that never came), a couple was jammering on about their stocks and yelling at each other that they couldn't hear the other. Back to reality. When I finally arrived at the Hilton at 1 am, I was in lobby that was as big as many of the albergues I had slept in. I stood by the elevator and was directed to the other tower. Of course! All the albergues had multiple towers, I am embarrassed by my mistake. I spent five hours in a room with the fanciest bathroom I have seen in 6 weeks, actually far longer. Such decadence when all this simple pilgrim really needed was warm shower and a bed.

I tried to get to sleep since I had to get up in a few short hours to catch my flight, but my mind kept drifting back to the sunrise I caught in Finisterre, the bus ride back along the coast, and entering Santiago a second time. Returning to Santiago, without the excitement of being a new arrival made it clear that you can't recreate a once in a lifetime experience.

I am so grateful and happy to have experienced the Camino, but can't shake the sadness I feel at the end. So, any Camino friends who fancy a visit, the door is always open. Just €5 and I'll give you a bed and a shower. I'll even throw in a glass of vino tinto!