The Day That Was Supposed To Be

Yesterday was supposed to be my birthday. Instead, I have to wait seven more weeks to celebrate. (I know what you are thinking, and yes my poor mother really was pregnant with me for close to a year.)

I have known since as long as I can remember that June 22 was my due date, but August 14 (mark your calendars!) is the day I decided to leave my mother's womb. And every year, I remember that day as my "unbirthday." No cake or anything, just a note of what that day was "supposed" to be.

Since I have been in a reflective mood lately, I was thinking of that notion of "supposed to" - our thoughts and hopes for what a day/year/relationship/dream/project/job/etc should be, and the likely contrast between that and what really happens. I have two thoughts on this.

Cut out Negativity
When faced with the fact that our imagination and reality are starkly different, we can sometimes get down on ourselves. "You're so stupid. Why didn't you do better? You always do the wrong thing." We need to knock that off. Everyone has mis-steps. Cut out negative self-talk. If you don't get done in a day what you had planned, assess why and figure a way to do better next time.

Que Sera Sera
A writer friend of mine likes to say "that's how it was meant to happen" if something doesn't go as planned. You know, que sera, sera, whatever will be will be. His view is that however things actually happen is the only way they ever were going to happen. Without going down the rabbit hole that idea could lead to, I'll just say partially agree and partially disagree. I disagree because if someone is in an abusive situation or has life-threatening illness, that sentiment can sound glib and uncaring.  Surely, that's not how it was meant to be.

Yet being flexible and rolling with how things unfold can also come from such a position of trust. If you really hand over the reigns to God, then you let Him say how things are meant to be. And even if things go off course (say, you find yourself divorced when you thought you'd grow old with your spouse), God can turn everything to good. Is it what was supposed to be? Perhaps not. But in the hands of our loving God, your circumstance can still be shaped into a life you were meant to lead.

I think an entertaining exercise can be to reflect back on those moments you really wanted something in your life. You needed THIS job. You wanted THIS person to like you. You had to have THIS thing in your life. My guess is you didn't get every job you wanted, but a better one might have come along later. You likely have experienced unrequited love (or maybe just unrequited like, let's be honest), but, with distance, you saw how that relationship wouldn't have worked. What you were once so hung up on is now a distant memory and you realize the wisdom of the saying, "this too shall pass."

So, if you have any "supposed to" moments in your life, my suggestion is to bring them to prayer. It may be true that you aren't doing your part to bring something into fruition. Reflect and do better next time. But it could be that God is working things around to something greater for your life.

As for me, I've changed me mind. I'm going to have some cake. It's what you're supposed to do on your un-birthday.